Welcome to the final Famous Hamsters in History!

hamster.org – Pet

As seen in this video, hamster.org was my pet hamster and unfortunately she has passed away. In this, the final Hamsters in History, I will briefly eulogize her, mostly without jokes. If this does not interest you, please watch the Mayor Bloomberg/Turtles sketch again.

I originally purchased hamster.org because I fondly remembered having a hamster as a kid and I wasn’t allowed to have a dog in my apartment. I didn’t expect to get so attached to her, but I quickly did, and I enjoyed having her as company and getting to know the interesting quirks she developed. She would often do funny little things like sitting in her food bowl, climbing the bars of her cage and dropping suddenly, and my favorite, climbing across the roof of her cage upside-down to get to her food.

When hamster.org started becoming less active I took her to the vet three separate times, paying bills that ended up costing 10 times what it cost to bring her home originally. It was worth it, though. I had to wake up a little earlier to rub a salve directly onto her eye and then flush out a wound with a syringe. I’m certain she simply thought it was a weird hamster torture, but I hope that dealing with the squirming and pain added a few months on to her already short life.

So, hamster.org, thanks for being a great pet and thanks for letting me cling to boyhood for a little longer. I hope that you’re chewing on the pearly gates to keep your teeth filed down. (Why did you hate wood sticks? So weird.)