Now, let me begin by saying I am 100% not in the demographic intended to go out and buy “Bride Wars” on DVD tomorrow. However, there are some things that could be changed that would make me watch this film.

For example, here is the current poster for the movie:

And here is a version of the poster that would make me drop a newborn child that I had just paid for so that I could get in line for tickets:

After the jump, a few more changes that would make me rush out to see the movie that would not require hiring George Lucas:

• Maybe instead of finding out that their wedding has been booked on the same day and then fighting over it, Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway’s characters could talk it over and come to a compromise.
• Two words. Exploding. Cake.
• Each character has a CG talking animal spirit guide. I think it goes without saying that Candice Bergen would have a wisecracking lynx voiced by Jason Segel.
• The trailer should use Bach’s ominous “Concerto in D-Minor” instead of the classical piece “Hall of the Mountain King.” I hate that Edvard Grieg so much!
• Give Paul Scheer a larger role. I’m just thinking out loud here, maybe he’s Candice Bergen’s spirit animal?
• Instead of competing to have their wedding in The Plaza Hotel, the ladies are trying to have their wedding…(wait for it)…on the moon!
• Also, that wedding I mentioned in the last bullet point? There’s a twist ending. Turns out it was a surprise party being thrown for me.