The Wonderland of Knowledge was written with more hyperbole than any other English-language written in the history of mankind. In the past I’ve highlighted their overwrought, overly-important introductions that exaggerate the significance of whatever entry they’re talking about to amazing heights.

Apparently they ran out of steam when it came to “Forests and Forestry.”

“Do you live in a forest? Perhaps you do. A forest, in the technical sense, is any area in which trees grow abundantly.”

Really? That’s how you’re going to start? I’ve been reading and dissecting so many of these entries now that I can step up and write a better one, in their style, than what actually appears in the book. Try this on:

“Since the beginning of time man has needed shelter. Some have found shelter in tee-pees; others in huts. You probably live in a house of some kind. Each one of these have one thing in common: it took the ingenuity of man and the majesty of nature to bring this together through the majesty of forestry.”

I’m showin’ you up, Wonderland of Knowledge.

I hate every single word that appears in the photo caption above.

Clearly this entry is the one where the authors of this book gave up. For example, one of the subject subheadings is titled “Forests are Important to Man.” You can’t be relied upon in order to make that conclusion for yourself. What a bunch of jerks.

All in all, this entry on forests just isn’t bringing it. Well, I’m sorry ladies and gentleman- what’s that? You’ve got one last thing? All right…

Yeah! That’s right! The Great Red Enemy! Fire is bad for trees! That makes it equal to communism! We fear and hate you, forest fires, without completely understanding what you are or doing! I’m going to spread anti-fire propaganda! I hate you so much, fire!

Wonderland of Knowledge? You’ve nailed it once again.