I’m about to drop some Wonderland of Knowledge on y’all!

In 2009, after Canada, Australia is probably the country that American’s feel the most comfortable with. We all speak the same language, though we find their particular vernacular delightfully cartoonish. We make references to their cultural identity (”dingos,” “shrimp,” “barbies”) without understanding the significance or meaning of what we’re saying. Think of all the loveable characters we see every day. Crocodile Dundee: Australian. Yahoo Serious: Australian. Bananas in Pajamas: Australian. The lead singer from “Men at Work:” Australian.

This was simply not so in 1968. Australia was a complete mystery to the America of that time. Luckily, there was one xenophobic children’s encyclopedia willing to step up to the plate…

“AUSTRALIA os trayl’ yuh. What is the world’s smallest continent? The only continent where all the people live south of the equator and celebrate Christmas in summer sunshine? The only continent which is occupied by one, and only one, country? The continent of kangaroos and koalas, of eight-foot-long lizards and egg-laying mammals, of birds that mimic and “dance” and birds that “laugh?”

It sounds like some sort of “monster continent” where we hide all of Mother Nature’s craziest inventions from public view. But it’s not! It’s Australia: the backwards country.

For the most part, the entry on Australia maintains a tone that basically states “Australia is crazy but we need to be respectful of that because they’re basically nice people there, okay? Look they spray pesticides on their fruit farms, just like us.” In fact, the Australia entry contains this:

“Australia long has restricted the immigration of persons who are not of European birth or descent. This policy, formerly and unofficially referred to as the “White Australia” policy, was liberalized to some extent in the 1950s…”

The first mention of race that I’ve seen in this encyclopedia so far! I was initially going to say that this was the first mention of a non-white race, but that wouldn’t be true. It sort of hints at the existence of a non-white race. Still a step in the right direction!

Only occasionally does the entry veer into “standing and gawking” territory. And it gets it all out of the way with a section on “AUSTRALIAN ENGLISH!”

“Like the people of the US and Canada, Australians speak English, the language of the Mother Country, with their own accent and their own colorful additions to the vocabulary. (large section of helpful background information removed) As for the title of the song, waltzing matilda has nothing to do with a dancing girl, but means carrying one’s swag on one’s shoulders. In Australian English the title could as easily have been “Humping the Bluey,” and the swagman-hero a sundowner.”

Oh, those Australians! We are then treated to a selection of crazy Australian phrases. Here are some favorites:

Aussie - Australian
barney - a dispute
boundary rider, jackeroo, ringer, rouseabout, stockman, stockrider - ranch hand
bush man - a man who lives or works in the bush
dinkum (or fair dinkum) - true, honest, real
sheila - a girl
willy-willy - a tropical cyclone
wowser - a puritanical person

Hang on, “willy-willy?” I’m sorry… I’m back on the Wonderland’s side.

These people are different from me and crazy.