When you think of all the major enemies that mankind has had to wage war against you might think of the larger issues that we’re fighting: the environment, gender equality, slavery, and so on. (PLEASE NOTE: I do not have the volume of The Wonderland of Knowledge that contains the entry on “slavery,” but rest assured that it’s out there on a bookcase somewhere and it is no doubt very insensitive towards the topic.)

Regardless: of all these major issues to plague man, Wonderland Volume 12 has selected one victory that they deem more important than the rest. That, ladies and gentlemen is our victory over the tyranny of distance.

There is so much to talk about in such a little image. First things first: bamboo pole, rickshaw, wheelbarrow and camels. I realize we’re talking about “primitive” modes here, but couldn’t they jump a little further ahead? Like a funny looking car, or a guy with wings strapped to his arms?

I don’t know what it is, but I love the phrase for the second image: “A Japanese lady traveling by man power.” A major part of it is because at first glance one might think “man power” is a pun, but then when you consider it for a moment you realize that it’s less of a pun and more of an accurate description of what is actually happening. Also, there’s the lack of specificity and dismissiveness found in the phrase “a Japanese lady.” I like to think that if the writers of this entry were repurposing it for today’s audience, the sentence would read: “A Japanese lady with two dudes carrying her.” Unfortunately, we’ll never know.

And finally, I had to look up what a “coolie” is, found in the first photo. Turns out that not only is it a historical term for Chinese laborers, meaning the image is referring to the guy as a way of triumphing over distance and not the pole, it’s also a racial slur for people of Asian decent. Way to go, Wonderland of Knowledge. You’re like the racist grandfather I unfortunately had.

AIRPORT RADARMAN!

My favorite part of The Wonderland of Knowledge series is it’s decidedly unencyclopedia-like prose. A fantastic example of this comes with the opening of its entry on “Transportation.” Again, this is how the entry begins:

“Men have to move, and their goods must be carried- that is why, in the echos of time, we hear the creak of the oxcart and the roar of the train; the neigh of the horse and the purr of the automobile; the clink of camel bells and the ruble of boats; the plodding of feet and the whirr of airplanes.”

Really, Volume 12? We needed eight separate examples of sounds that transportation could make? I really think that we would’ve been fine with maybe two examples of- what’s that? Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

“These and the other sounds of turning wheels, of spinning propellers, of beasts of burden, and of men of burden, all spell transportation, the handmaiden of progress and the symbol of man’s advance.”

And nearly every entry in these books reads like that. Most of the time, rather than an informative background filled with facts and information we are given an invitation to what sounds like the speech from the funeral for transportation, or tomatoes or whatever topic fits between TIE and Z.

So join us next week when we’ll be looking at yet another entry/eulogy from The Wonderland of Knowledge! I know that if I were you and you were me, I would do that thing that I (you, in this scenario) just told me (you) to do!