As you may know from the billion times that it appears on this website, my last name is rather short (but, if you’re reading, Will Shortz, this makes it fantastic for inclusion in a crossword puzzle). As you are about to read, this can be both a blessing and a curse. Here are some “professionals” and “convicts” of having a short last name (I have to assume that’s what it stands for).

Pros

• Instant conversation starter after introducing self.
• When in a position of authority, I can say “my name is Mr. Ess, but you can call me Mr. E. for short.” Pretty funny, right?
• When email addresses are automatically created for me, they are always short and convenient to type.
• Four months ago I purchased the domain name www.Ram’s Eyes S.com for my sheep-retina-replacement business. As a lucky coincidence it also turned out to be the name my parents gave me when I was born.
• In 7th grade Spanish when Mrs. Gunther had us spell our names to practice the Spanish alphabet. “Ay essay essay.” Done. How I pitied Cheryl Shablowski.

Cons

• The 1.8 billion people who use the English alphabet assume that “Ess” means “S.”